my mouth tastes like poor choices
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
