i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize