I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize