Define "chronic" masturbator.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
