The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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