Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
