why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
