New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Fuck appropriateness.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
