she woke up with a sticky ear
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
