Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
