So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You may now shotgun with the bride
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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