that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
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i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
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I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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