I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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