Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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