my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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