they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
