There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
