Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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