do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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