Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
this will be a night to untag.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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