I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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