Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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