I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
