I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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