I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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