so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
