This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
