Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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