O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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