if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
