so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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