Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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