my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
