and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
