so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
