Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
