We got so high we made milksteak
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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