evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Non-Jews are for practice
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize