i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
