apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
