Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Less talking, more tequila
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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