Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
