You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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