A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
