sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
