i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
