I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
