I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
What drink are we having for lunch?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
