fuck your aforementioned shoe
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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