let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
