He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you play pong handcuffed?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize