oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
