Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
