He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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