do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
When are your genitals available?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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