Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
