That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
