Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
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We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
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Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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