You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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