he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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