He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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