We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
