Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
