Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
