it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
