2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize