My sheets look like a crime scene.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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