in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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