I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
