She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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